We’re well and truly rolling in the fifth series of Dragons Den, and yet it continues to amaze me just how many people go on the program without it would appear having ever seen the show before, and end up making the same old mistakes and ending up being laughed off. The “magic million” valuation was missing for a change this week too!

For the first time this series, I’m keeping a running total of the Dragon’s total Investments, which after 3 episodes of this series only 1 dragon has yet to invest a single penny – have a guess who it is, and I’ll tell you at the end.

First up the stairs this week was Shaun Pulfrey, hair-colourist to the stars, who was looking for an £80,000 investment for a 15% stake in his “Tangle Teezer” comb/brush. His presentation wasn’t the greatest – Whilst explaining how the comb managed to remove tangles from childrens hair “gently and easily” he managed to nearly take the poor girl’s head off that he was practising.

Thankfully it was only a dolls head he was working with, but she very nearly ended up like Gwyneth Paltrow in Seven thanks to his tangle brush! Deborah refused to take him seriously at all, and felt that the product was too similar to that she uses to brush her horses. Shaun didn’t really have an answer for that, and very quickly lost any confidence in his presentation.

Sales in the Tangle Teezer were practically non-existant, and he committed the double faux-pas that always results in Investors pulling out – He wanted to use their Investment to pay himself and stockpile the combs before he’d taken any orders. He was sent packing by the dragons, with Peter dispensing the obligatory corny line “That’s a hair-brained idea”

polly marsh and helen wooldridge

They put on a pretty good pitch, and the product looked very useful, but when we drilled down into the figures it became apparent very quickly that they had seriously over-inflated their headline profit forecasts by not considering the overheads invloved in scaling their business to the next level.

Theo summed Polly and Helen up very well as creative people who have a great product, but don’t even look at the figures. I’ve worked with a couple of people like that over the years, and they are incredibly frustrating to work with as an Investor. That’s not to say you can’t work with them, just that you need to rein in their creative ideas every now and then and encourage them to focus 100% on profits.

Polly and Helen were offered the full amount by both Deborah (for 45% stake) and James (40%), but turned both offers down as they didn’t want to give away more than 35%. I don’t normally advocate chasing the percentages, but I feel this was the right choice for them – they’ve got a nice little business here that will continue to do well for them and their families, and they’d be lost as part of a big business. It’s a great lifestyle business, and better kept that way I feel.

On the Dragon’s Den “conveyor belt” of fillers this week, we were treated to a British food takeaway, pants with poppers, RnB Nursery Rhymes, wheelie bin fresheners, and electronic luggage tags. All rubbish as investable businesses, although the Dragon’s certainly seemed to enjoy the traditional british grub!

Jill Parkinson was facing down the dragons next, with her truly awful “Shuc” – a portable shower-head holder. Have you ever thought about packing your own shower-head holder when going on holiday? Nope, me neither, but Jill seemed to think that the entire nation was crying out for her “invention”.

So confident was she, that she was asking for £120,000 for an 18% stake in the company, valuing her little bit of plastic at two thirds of a Million quid. Her company had apparently already attracted £100,000 of investment from someone who didn’t want to be named, probably to save his embarrassment at his stupid decision.

Mr X had helped Jill solve a problem that simply doesn’t exist, and after managing to land some very good press coverage (I believe it was the Times and Woman Magazine), they sold just 350 units – some way short of her predictions of selling 120,000 over the next two years!

One by one the dragons dropped out, and Peter tried to explain why she should stop piling cash into this project: “You will sell a few. Because there are people out there who buy rubbish.” Harsh, but true.

The final entrepreneur up the stairs was Mark Champkins, a self styled “wacky” Inventor who was

Mark champkins

At several times throughout his pitch (probably due to nerves), he came across as what I can only describe as a “strange fish” – Certainly eccentric with a hint of weird. I certainly couldn’t work with Mark – I didn’t particularly like his products, and I think we’re on a very different wavelength (or maybe different planets).

One by one, the dragons fell until only Peter Jones remained. Peter said that he liked the products, and was keen to buy into Mark Champkins the Inventor rather than just these products. He offered Mark the full £100k, but wanted a 40% stake in all his future inventions too. Mark tried to negotiate Peter down to 35%, and Peter agreed that if he made £250,000 profit in 3 years, he could have the 5% back.

I think if Peter can keep Mark focussed on the profits and work his marketing magic, then he’s got a chance of making this partnership work – And good luck to him.

So, onto the first Investment league table – I’ve included all “agreed” deals shown on Dragons Den. I’m aware that some (such as Peter Jones £50,000 investment in Beach Break Live from Episode One) have not gone through, but the intention and commitment to invest was there.

1. Theo Paphitis: 1 investment, £200,000
2. Peter Jones: 2 investments, £150,000
3. James Caan: 1 investment, £60,000
4. Deborah Meaden: 1 investment, £35,000
5. Duncan Bannatyne: 0 investments, £0,000

As you can see, Duncan has yet to invest a single penny in any of the entrepreneurs that have entered the den. I questioned after episode one what the point of retaining Duncan as a dragon, and my point appears to be getting even more valid. There’s even a fully-fledged site to bring back Richard Farleigh, which I think wouldn’t be a bad idea – Certainly a better move by the BBC than bringing back some whining ginger minger.

I’ll keep the league table going – It’ll be interesting to see the levels of investment after all nine episodes.

You might also like to read...