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It wasn’t a classic Dragons Den last night - There were no massive investments, and although none of the businesses/products/inventions were any good, none of then were so bad they were good TV. Amazingly, two people walked away with an Investment from the Dragons, but that could be explained by Peter Jones comment last week that “some people just buy rubbish”…

First up this week was Max McMurdo, who was looking for a £50,000 investment in his company designing environmentally sound products, Reestore Limited in exchange for a 10% stake. The wonderful product range included seats made out of old wheelbarrows and shopping trolleys. Oh yes! But the item that grabbed Deborah Meaden’s attention was “Ben the Bin” - essentially a bit of plastic that holds a carrier bag open to put recycling rubbish in.

Whilst Peter and Theo argued that he was encouraging the use of one of the most un-environmentally friendly products around (the carrier bag), Max countered that he was not naive enough to belive that people wouldn’t use carrier bags, and isn’t it better to use a carrier 3 times than only once and throw it away? A fair point well made I think.

Duncan felt the bags wouldn’t hold up to everyday use, and to test it out, he put Theo’s money in - literally, dropping the wads of cash the dragons have on their tables in, and Ben the Bin held firm. That wasn’t enough to persuade Duncan though, and as we’ve seen on at least 20 occasions so far this series, Duncan said “I’m out”. Theo however was convinced enough by the strange furniture (he still didn’t like Ben the Bin) to make an offer (Well, Max already had his money!) of the full £50,000, but for 30% of the company.

Deborah on the other hand really liked the bin, and wanted Max to focus solely on that product going forward. Bizarrely given their polar opinions on how the business should go forward, Theo and Deborah agreed to split the investment, with £25,000 each for 15%. Max accepted their offer, and it’ll be interesting to see in which direction his business actually does head.

Leon Hamlet and Shakil Mussa were facing down the dragons, looking for a £150,000 investment in their water-free car valeting system. They were prepared to offer a 15% stake, meaning a return once again of the “Magic Million Valuation”.

Those unaware of how the “Magic Million Valuation” works, it’s very simple - When you don’t have a clue what your business is actually worth based on profits and forecasts, just dream up a figure that you’d like it to be worth, which is normally a million, and when asked to justify that valuation, explain that it’s “because of the potential” - easy!

Leon and Shakil’s financial forecasts were far too ambitious (From £65,000 turnover to £2,000,000 in just 3 years), and they were unable to justify either the unrealistic forecasts, the need for investment or even the profitability of the business. Their magic million valuation was clearly pie in the sky, and the dragons dispatched them without a second thought. One of the highlights of DD is watching the dragons faces when the entrepreneurs are pitching, and when Leon and Shakil said “We’re going to get our service into casinos”, Duncan Bannatyne’s (who owns a chain of casinos across the UK) face said “Not in mine, you won’t”.

The quickies this week weren’t even that interesting - Tipsy Feet - slip-ons for high heels, Moo-vit (Milk based smoothies, not laxatives!), a DJ training system, a boot tidy for shopping bags (that I’m sure I saw in Sainsburys about 5 years ago), and novelty light switches.

Denise Channing hoped that the Dragons would see the potential in the Big-screen movie adaptation of her book “Dance of the Goblins” - Clearly fancying herself as the next JK Rowling, (even her pen name “Jaq D Hawkins” seems like a cross between JK Rowling and Captain Jack Harkness of Dr Who fame), Denise was looking for £175,000 for a 15% share (valuing the project at just over the “Magic Million”).

As with the car-valeting boys, her valuation was based in fantasy-land, having sold less than 2,000 copies of her book (though I’ll bet she sells a few more now after the Den coverage!), I’d love to know what thought process she went through to think that an unsuccessful book would make a good movie. You can see the opening credits now: “Based on the crap-selling book by Jaq D Hawkins”

Denise let slip that she had lined up a leading man to star in the movie, and intended paying him £1,000,000 (oh look - it’s the magic million again!) - She wasn’t happy to reveal who he was, though she did say that he had appeared in Pirates of the Caribbean (as “the only convincing pirate” apparently) and Phantom of the Opera. I wonder who that could be then. well, it’s either him or Bill Nighy, who seems to be in every British film ever made at the moment.

Well, the dragons decided that Dance of the Goblins: The Movie was not for them, and you can hardly blame them: A move based on a book that didn’t sell, starring someone who we can’t name, pitched by someone who knows nothing at all (by her own admission) about making movies. A recipe for disaster I would think, and well avoided.

The final entrepreneur up the stairs this week was Jamie Jenkinson, who was looking for £100,000 for a 15% stake in his “Cush ‘n’ shade” invention - basically a cushion to rest your head on whilst on the beach with a “shade” attached to it, keeping your head cool.

My first thoughts were “what a naff piece of kit” - I just couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to look that stupid on a beach that they would buy one, especially at the retail price of £16.99. however, Jamie has sold 10,000 units in his first year of trading, and is looking to the US as a massive market to crack.

This got Peter Jones interested, and he agreed that these would sell well on the beaches of LA etc, where lazy Americans who don’t care how stupid they look will pay over $30 rather than close their eyes, or put a T-shirt over their face. I dunno, maybe because I hate beaches anyway (give me a nice clean swimming pool and a proper sun-chair anyday!), but I just don’t get this product at all.

The financials made just as much sense to me - He stated that his margin on each product was “around £1 per unit”. Yet having sold 10,000 in Year One, he had profits of £30,000? And projected profits of £1,000,000 (Magic Million alert!) by Year Three? Did any of the dragons actually work out how may he’s going to have to sell to hit that level of profit?

Theo declared himself out, saying it was very easily copied, and he’d already seen something very similar on sale throughout Europe. Duncan gave the standard “I don’t think it’s a business, so I’m out”, which I think is totally wrong - He’s clearly selling a decent amount, and looking to expand into new markets, so it is most definitely a business. It’s not a business I’d care to invest in, but I would never belittle his sales like that.

Jamie eventually found himself with all three remaining dragons offering him half the money he wanted for a 20% stake, meaning he would get the full £100,000 he wanted, but for 40% of his business. He tried to negotiate them down to 30%, but as with so many, he was beaten before even asking - The dragons had decided to “take a punt” on him - Any less equity, and it’s too much of a gamble.

So Jamie had a choice to make: Choose two dragons from three: Peter, Deborah and James. At this point I feel he should have turned the tables on the dragons, and asked them (all five of them) which dragon he should lose. That way, he knows he’s getting the best business brains for his business. As it was, he dismissed James Caan, for the reason he knew nothing about him, which I think was a mistake. The more I’m seeing of James Caan, the more I’m warming to him as Richard Farleighs replacement, and I’ve seen comments from many people who have worked for James in the past who have nothing but praise for him and his mentoring skills.

Taking a look at the updated Investment League Table for this series, Duncan is still rooted to the bottom, having failed to put his hand in his pocket even once. Theo still leads the way, with Peter Jones closing in, and Deborah Meaden leapfrogging James Caan (although it could have been a different table had Jamie accepted James’ offer)

1. Theo Paphitis: 2 investments, £225,000
2. Peter Jones: 3 investments, £200,000
3. Deborah Meaden: 2 investments, £110,000
4. James Caan: 1 investment, £60,000
5. Duncan Bannatyne: 0 investments, £0,000

Further to the “Bring Back Richard Farleigh” petition I highlighted last week, I notice today that there is now a facebook group too that you can join. Support is growing lol - Now if only someone would create a “Duncan Bannatyne is a tight-fisted waste of a Dragon” group, I could join that too! I’ve also come across the “Deborah Meaden is a dirty little gazumper” group whilst hunting around - Let me know if you find any more DD related Facebook Groups.

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